IT’S ME

Clyde & I are in Washington this week visiting family & friends under a gorgeous, uncharacteristic clear blue sky, and sunshine that makes Seattlites stop and squint and say, “Have you noticed that strange glow in the sky?” Then on the way back to Long Beach we plan to stop by the Bay Area for a trip down Memory Lane, which, by the way, gets shorter every year. We shall indulge in some cheese puffs at Fat Apples, stroll around Lake Merritt, elbow a few Chinese grandmas in Oakland’s Chinatown while trying to score some BBQ pork. Oh, and of course, see dear longtime friends. I’ll also be gone the Memorial Day weekend hanging out with family in Oceanside.

Re: my health, I’ve certainly seen better days, and often need a cane to get around.But I’m still in the land of the living, by God’s grace and His grace alone. I can’t tell you how much your intercessory prayers mean to me. I so appreciate all who are fighting the good fight with me. My hope and faith continue to be in Jesus, who came that we may have life, and have it to the full.

As I mentioned in my last blog Clyde & and I traveled to Bethel Church in Redding, CA to receive prayer through their Healing Rooms. (You can Google Bethel for a full description of their ministry.) I’m still processing all that happened – and there was plenty! – and promise to write more in a future blog how God met me there.

Right now, gotta run. I’m off to see “The Avengers” at a movie theater that serves dinner with the movie while you sit in a cushy sofa. The only thing missing is they should let you wear your jammies!

Love you all-

Till the sun no longer shines,
Till the rivers all run dry,
Till the poets run out of rhymes,
Till the end of time,

(can you tell what I’ve been listening to on Pandora?)

~ Caryn

Our God Saves

Grace, mercy and peace to all of you from God the Father and the Lord Jesus – and from me too.

I was startled to see I have not blogged since Dec. of last year! My, how time flies when you’re goofing around.

But serioiusly, I’m blogging to you today to let you know my health is not good, and to ask for your ongoing prayer for the eradication of my brain cancer. A recent MRI showed an increase of the lesions, which prompted my oncologist to predict I have only a few months to live. I’m taking that under advisement (the Holy Spirit’s) and continue to pray that God take the mustard seed of faith that I have managed to hold firmly in my hand, and by his power and mercy accomplish mountain-moving miracles.

Clyde & I and a group of friends from my church (Catalyst Christian Community) are traveling together to Bethel Church in Redding, CA this weekend to their Healing Rooms, which focus specifically on praying for physical healing. I am not one to go chasing after healing – it’s way better to chase after God…not that He’s trying to run away or anything. But the Holy Spirit gave me the sense that He has something to give me, so I’m going to Bethel this weekend to receive it.

Some of you may have questions or concerns – I know I do – which I will try to address in future blogs. In the meantime my church is fasting and praying for me this week. Many of you have been praying for me for years (thank you!) and also fasting at times (a spiritual discipline that still eludes me)). But if you’d like to sign up to do either or both on a specific day this week, email me at clydef531@aol.com and I’ll add you to the list.

I love and appreciate you all so much. I could not fight this battle without each one of you. I already feel a company of angels locking arms, ready to do battle. Thanks for standing with me.

Love,
~ Caryn

Mom’s Memorial Service

I realize those of you who might have wanted to attend my mother’s memorial service will be unable to because of the date and time. But here is the information in case you’re interested:

Tuesday, Dec. 16 – 11:00 AM
4871 S. Centinela Ave.
Los Angeles 90066

Family extends an invitation to guests to wear purple if they’d like, a request of my mom’s.

A light obento lunch will be served afterward.

much love,
~ Caryn

‘Bye, Mom

This past Saturday, my Mom passed away. It was somewhat unexpected, and yet not. She had been dealing with breast cancer (like mother, like daughter) and had some complications. She was admitted to the hospital where we expected/hoped she could be treated and released back home soon. But the medical issues turned out to be more serious than the doctors could resolve.

Mom lived a tough life – born during the Depression, the second of nine children; coming of age during WWII; enduring Internment Camp life at Manzanar. Then later having to bring up four bratty children, of which I was the brattiest.

Then in her early 70s, Mom gave her life to Jesus – which is when I realized I had pretty much given up on praying for her. But fortunately, God’s love never fails, it never gives up. She was no “Sunday Christian” either. I was always amazed at how diligently she did her Bible lessons using a Life Application Study Bible she could barely lift.

My family and I will miss her a whole, whole lot.

Mom, I’m so glad you’re now in a place where there is no more sorrow, no more pain, no more people telling you hey, you can’t eat that! Though at times your love may have failed – I imagine not without cause, you never gave up on me.

~ Caryn

Radiation Update #1

From the Kaiser Four Seasons Resort…

I just finished my first week of brain radiation treatment. The procedure is done in the same facility as last time, same room, and I know the drill, so nothing new here. Except I’m staying in a different apartment, which happens to be exactly across from where I stayed last time. It took me three days to remember to turn left and not right when I left the apartment. I wish my brain memory was as resilient as my muscle memory.

Since I know the neighborhood from my last stay, I’m less inclined to go exploring and more content to stay at “home” with the projects I brought with me. I decided to go on a people fast this time, meaning no visitors except my hubby Clyde who stays with me. It was a good decision. You learn things about yourself, and unexpected feelings surface, when the outside din of voices is lowered for a time.

My only complaint with my five-star accommodations is that there is no wi-fi, and I have no 3G. So my blog updates may be a little spotty as I wander the streets looking for a free connection (right now I’m in the LA City Library). My last treatment will be Dec. 2.

Just so you know, I’m doing fine so far, thanks to your prayers and the countless blessings I’m consistently smothered with by all of you.

With an overflowing heart
~ Caryn

O, CANADA!

Clyde and I had a great trip this summer traveling by rail & car through the magnificent Canadian Rockies. I know I promised not to bore you with photos, but I couldn’t restrain myself from sharing just a few:

Here I am standing in front of some trees and really big rocks. (Banff)

Here is Clyde enjoying the Banff Gondola ride.

Here is Clyde after he looked down.

Here we are framed by a spectacular backdrop at the top of the gondola ride.

Here I am with our tour bus guide Oliver.

Seeing God’s handiwork in Canada was breathtaking, but I also came home with treasured memories of what He created “a little lower than the angels and crowned with glory and honor” – people. Clyde and I had a chance to get to know our bus driver while waiting at each stop for those inevitable late returnees. At the end of the tour we were the last to be dropped off, so I took the opportunity to say a prayer of blessing for Oliver and ask God to give him rest and peace after a full day. Moments like these moved my spirit as deeply as the glorious glittering surface of Lake Louise.

O, CANCER!

The results of my most recent brain MRI were not encouraging. My oncologist told me there were six spots remaining, but she misspoke. My radiology oncologist said that although several of the lesions either shrank or disappeared altogether, some had grown (probably the ones my other doctor had seen). So in a few weeks I’ll be starting another round of brain radiation. I thought I could only have this procedure once, but apparently I can do a lower dose for a shorter period (10 days instead of 14). The good news is I’ll be lounging again at the “Kaiser Four Seasons Spa and Resort” (i.e., their apartments).

O, CHRIST, MY HOPE OF SALVATION!

Please pray for me as I round yet another curve, still running, still carrying the flame of faith. Against all conventional wisdom I pray for complete healing – because our God is not a conventional God. And as a dear missionary declared over me, “God doesn’t do things halfway!” As I see it, it’s not over ’til the fat lady sings, who for sure won’t be me ‘cuz I weigh all of 93. So the course continues an uphill climb, with your prayers of love and healing urging me on, and the Holy Spirit filling my lungs with songs of praise.

with all my love,
~ Caryn

“The heavens tell of the glory of God.
The skies display his marvelous craftsmanship.”
~ Psalm 19:1

OUT TO LUNCH … and breakfast & dinner!

Clyde & are on a long anticipated vacation to the Pacific Northwest. We just spent several days visiting with Clyde’s family and some friends in Renton, Washington, and now are in Vancouver, British Columbia, preparing to board a train that will take us through the Canadian Rockies.

So look forward to future posts about our trip, which I will try to make more interesting than the usual family vacation slideshow: “Here we are in front of a mountain. Here we are in front of a tree. Here we are in front of another tree.”

Thank you again for prayers for my health which made this trip possible. I am holding up well, b/c Jesus is doing the holding.

much love,
~ Caryn

Victory!

Everyone jump up and give God a HIGH FIVE!

The brochoscopy coughed up a POSITIVE AFB SHMEAR! I mean SMEAR! (Leslie, you’re confusing me.) Doesn’t your faith soar when you get to experience God and you are in SYNCH?! This smear had lotsa good squirming bacteria that the lab people could play with. We’ll have to wait a few weeks for the cultures to grow, but I’ve already received one result – the specimen tested negative for TB DNA. Although this doesn’t rule out TB entirely, it makes it more likely that the ugly spot in my lung is Mycobacterium avium complex (non-contagious), or MAC and Cheese. Wait, no cheese.

While it’s good news to have this info, MAC is a serious bacteria in itself, if I’m to believe the websites I’ve read, which I stopped reading because it’s bad for my (mental) health. So can you please continue to pray for me:
1. That the MAC I have is not resistant to the drugs I’m taking.
2. For minimal side effects. (I have enough side effects from my cancer treatment – I’m running outta sides.)
3. For continued wisdom and insight for all the wonderful doctors following my condition.

Speaking of wonderful doctors, I want to send a special shout-out to my friend Dr. Jim, who ranks high on the list of doctors I respect, like Dr. Salk, Dr. McCoy, Dr. Seuss. He spent hours researching my records and lab results, talking with my doctor, and then patiently summarizing and interpreting all the medical lingo into simple English for me. Thanks, Jim! I mean, DR. Jim!

Again, my deepest thanks to all of you for interceding for me in prayer. “Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my (and your) cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.”

lotsa love,
~ Caryn

Problem Child

That’s what the Infectious Disease doctor called me: a problem child. If my mom had been there, she’d have said, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

But the “problem” lies not in my nature, which has always been pleasant and cooperative to a fault, but with my stubborn flesh which just won’t release, through sputum or biopsy, the info the doctors need to form a clear picture of what I have and how to treat it.

The two contenders claiming ownership of the spot in my lung are TB and a cousin of TB called Mycobacterium avium. (“Cousin”? Is this the Coreleone family?)

So I would really appreciate your prayers for me on Weds. morning, July 9. In another attempt to get some more definitive info, I will be undergoing a bronchoscopy where a tube will be stuck up my nose and down into my lung to suck up fluid they can then culture.

I spoke at length with my good friend Dr. Jim, who happens to be an Infectious Disease doctor AND work for Kaiser, meaning he has access to my medical records (how does God arrange things like this that only happen on “Leverage”?). This is what Jim said to pray for: A POSITIVE SMEAR. This means something like getting a fluid sample that has LOTS of bacteria that would grow in a culture. Bad news of TB or bacteria would be better than no news. At least we’ll know what we’re dealing with.

Some of you will be reading this after my procedure is over, but that’s OK. I believe God exists outside of time and you can still pray that in some way through this bronchoscopy the doctors will gain insight on the best treatment for me.

It will take a few days to see if the smear is positive or negative, and if it’s positive, several weeks more for any culture to grow. I’ll keep you posted.

At our staff meeting this morning, my dear brother Jerry prayed for me saying, “You are not a problem child, you are a child of the King.” Amen to that. Will someone please hand me my tiara?

So thankful for your prayers & love,
~ Caryn

P.S. I don’t think I need to say this, but I hope some of you will pray for the doctor doing the bronchoscopy :).

“You are the God who sees me.”

(Genesis 16:13)

Sorry I took so long to write this. Besides procrastinating, my learning curve using WordPress is pretty much a flat line.

But here’s what you’ve been waiting for, and it’s GOOD NEWS: Jesus heals! And there’s more GOOD NEWS: NO CANCER in my lungs!

When the doctor told me this, I was flooded with relief because I had braced myself to hear the “C” word (and I don’t mean my name). Oh me of itsy-bitsy faith. But God received your prayers for me and extended His lavish grace and compassion to spare me any additional suffering. Thank you so much for your love and support that upheld me during this time. I am one happy camper – Hallelujah!

So. What was that mysterious blob on my PET scan? No, it was not a smudge, but they think it might be tuberculosis. I’ve tested positive for TB since I was a kid, but it has remained dormant. I took a sputum test which I failed – I couldn’t cough anything up. So the jury is still out until I see an Infectious Disease doctor next week. (I have an Oncologist, Pulmonologist, & Radiologist – why no Infectiousologist?)

So there you have it. One huge victory, with a minor skirmish to squash.

Before my biopsy I told my doctor people were praying for him. I didn’t know this for a fact, but I couldn’t imagine the Holy Spirit not telling at least ONE of you to do that! I expected to hear a polite “Thanks,” and was surprised when he said, “Oh, I really appreciate that.” I heard in his voice genuine gratitude and something like relief. He was a younger doctor (at my age, all doctors are younger) and it occurred to me his job must be somewhat stressful. I hoped knowing that people were praying for him gave him some reassurance, and that he would sense God’s presence with him.

I had been reading my Bible while waiting, NOT because I’m so spiritual but because I’m trying to catch up in my Read-Thru-the-Bible-in-a-Year program. I was in Exodus where the Israelites are fleeing Pharaoh, horsemen and chariots hot on their heels. They are terrified, so Moses tells them this: “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. You want to win this battle? Then take cover behind God and quit flailing about. I can do that, I think – until I see the enemy advancing and feel a bullet whiz by my ear. Now I’m fighting the urge to run. But God says trust him and don’t try to figure out an escape route, because He sees me and He’s not going to let me be taken down. What was I thinking? The victory is not in my strength (all 95 pounds of it), but in His. Just get out of the way. So I relax, breathe a little easier, and take a seat on the lawn chair.

Sure, there are times God calls us to suit up, enter the fray and lop off heads like Uma Thurman. But when I was lying on that Kaiser gurney reading those verses, I knew it was God speaking to me right then, right there. “It’s OK. I’ve got this.” He made sure I fell behind in my Bible reading so that I would land on those exact words in Exodus on the day of my biopsy. What an amazing God.

(Because, y’know, I coulda been reading, “Better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife,” which, while true, would not have ministered to me in quite the same way.)

So thank you all so much for your constant prayers on my behalf. They mean so much to me and to whatever medical practitioners God places on your heart.

And please pray with me for this: that any cancer I see today I will NEVER SEE AGAIN!

Praying for God’s boundless mercies for you, too,

~ Caryn

P.S. If you see blue links in this blog, please disregard. It has somethingto do with the browser & I don’t know how to fix it. Also, if you know anyone who wants to read my blog, send me their email, or I think this site is public so anyone can join, although I don’t know how to do this either.